This week at work I was reminded how the systems and programs our society sets up to help people, often times fail them in the end.

Funding for example. A participant's funding gets cut for any odd reason and they can't participate in activities they enjoy or the transportation they once relied on is now limited. Saturday I picked up a participant and even though he lives a minute or two from the basesite, I couldn't take him home because his funding wouldn't allow it. Some participants are rolling in funds and can do any activity they choose, while others have limited options and can only come several times a week.

We have to keep track of how many hours a participant is with us as well as where they were picked up and dropped off at. It all has to do with money. You either have it or you don't. The budget is tight and so even my volunteer work is used to their benefit. They schedule me to work Thursdays in the office, so that valuable office work gets done.

Onto other things: this past week was crazy busy and it kinda felt like I was running around with my head cut-off. Back to back 9 hour days can really get to you and I am glad for a day off today. It's snowing here and absolutely beautiful, large flakes. I should go out and frolic in it, but I can't seem to muster the energy. Things still feel a little stressful for me. Two guys from MMN (the director and our unit supervisor) came to church on Sunday and I was able to chat with them a little bit. I was reminded that I will need to give a definite decision as to what I will be doing around mid-March at the latest. So now it feels like I really need to kick into gear and figure out what I want to do. But I feel like you can't rush God's planning--I can't kick him in the butt and say "Ok, give me clear decision or path to follow!" That's not how it works!! Although sometimes I think we wish it did. If only... so how do I listen to what God wants me to do and where he leads, yet still make a decision on a time-line? I think I'm worried that I am going to make a decision and then something good or bad will happen and then I will be stuck with that decision I made prior to the event.

Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated as I discern what to do next in this crazy journey called life.

Hope-

Lindsey