Reflections on the past year...

As a new year approaches…I look back on 2010 and think of the things I have learned, the people I have met, the changes that have occurred in my life.

This past year I completed a service term in Boulder, Colorado and many of you have followed me through my journey. In thinking back on my work at Imagine!- I reminisce thinking about the participants I interacted with and the time and passion I was able to put into my work. My job truly opened my eyes, not just to the dignity and worth of each human being, no matter their limitations or abilities. But also to the love, compassion, and hope I found both in my co-workers and participants. Working with those who have developmental disabilities has certainly left an impression on me and a mark on my heart. In retrospect, I miss the work and the people. I think I mostly miss being out in the field and out in the community as much as I was. I don’t know where I will be led vocationally, but could definitely see myself working with this population again. I miss the smiles and laughs, the talks, and the cute little things individual participants were known for.

Also this year I have transitioned into working at Children’s Services of VA, Inc. as a foster care case manager. It was helpful to have some background on the agency, after completing my senior practicum with them. I continue to learn something new every day whether about parenting or how the system works, and combined with the patience and understanding I learned from Imagine! –I feel I could raise a flock of children, no matter their issues. (Lord, willing I’m not requesting this..or any time soon!) Case management is hard work and I’m learning what it means to truly be “the middle man”. Paperwork consumes my day and every little detail, phone call, email- has to be documented. My caseload is small and will stay that way for the first year. I often wonder if I could really manage a full caseload, as sometimes I feel I’m going crazy with just 4 or 5 clients. I stay busy writing reports, making phone calls, and going on home visits. The only thing about having a small caseload is that I don’t have as many children to go see- leading me to a lot of office time. Which I am not keen on. I miss the frequent, daily interaction with clients and sometimes feel that I don’t have the skills to offer a foster parent guidance with parenting and problematic children, when I am not a parent myself and actually quite young. But alas, I continue to plod away, trying to be consistent and good at my job. However, I do not feel a life-calling to case management or foster care.

Highlights from this year (whether humorous, ridiculous, or serious):

- Being sick for 4-6 months of the New Year! (sinus infection, cold, bronchitis, black lung, strep throat …okay no black lung..but serious about the rest)

- Dealing with loneliness and disinterest in my “community living” arrangement.

- Winning the March Madness bracket with 75 points. (I did not cheat.)

- Meeting and hanging out with a guy named Asher (later to become my boyfriend J ).

- Having good friends Mary and Jenna visit Colorado.

- Going to the young adult snow camp at Rocky Mountain Mennonite camp...this certainly didn’t help the being sick thing.

- Having my basement room flood for a second time and the landlord doing little about it.

- A visit from my parents and siblings...filled with good food, beautiful weather, and quality time together.

- Getting locked in the bathroom for 9 hours. I think I could set a world record. But it’s not exactly good for one’s mental health. Makes for an entertaining story though.

- Trip to Ohio: Being in my good friend, Jenna’s wedding and seeing family from near and far at a family reunion.

- Having Seth and Theresa visit while on their road trip through the west…great times!

- Lots of Rockies games over the summer with a church small group…lots of twizzlers and “Party in the U.S.A.”!

- Fun outings spent with Asher…finally in the same place for a few months..whew.

- A ridiculously awesome 23^rd birthday- tubing down Boulder Creek (fearing death or serious injury!), free lunch at sub shop, relaxation, and Japanese Steakhouse with Asher.

- An overall splendid summer filled with poolside fun, BBQs, hiking, friends, family, and other fun activities.

- Finishing my term with MVS and saying good bye to participants and co-workers that I had built rapport and relationship with for a year…tough.

- Spending a week “vacationing” in Boulder…

- Saying “adios” to Boulder, Asher, and lovely church friends.

- Transitioning to Harrisonburg, after a week spent in Ohio…whoa tiny apartment and being on my “own”.

- Meeting and falling in love with my niece, Amarisa JoyAnn.

- Learning my new job and getting to know my co-workers and clients.

- Asher visiting at the end of October! Hiking, good food, DC trip.

- Dealing with some personal issues and figuring out where I stand and what it is to be an adult.

- Adjusting to living alone and cooking (or not), paying bills.

- Holidays spent with family…always a pleasure.

Whew…lots of things have happened…it’s amazing to look back at a year and the progress one has made…despite challenges, bad health. I have grown a lot and overall am pleased with 2010, even if it wasn’t all easy or pleasant. I have said “goodbye” and “hello” to a lot of things…and look in anticipation at greeting the New Year, 2011. I have much to look forward to and have plans for self-improvement and growth once again.

I wish you all a Happy Year…not just celebrating life and newness on ONE day…but all 365. God has blessed us beyond belief. May we feel His presence in a fresh and new way these coming 365 days. May we love more passionately and see more clearly. May we be kind, compassionate, and true to our word.

Blessings and much love,

Lindsey

I don't read enough...

Grant me, O Lord, to know what I ought to know, to love what I ought to love, to praise what delights you most, to value what is precious in your sight, to hate what is offensive to you. Do not allow me to judge according to the hearing of my ears, but to discern with a true judgment between things visible and spiritual, and above all things, always to inquire what is the good pleasure of your will.

-Thomas A Kempis-

What is God's will for my life? I am reading Hearing with the Heart by Debra K. Farrington. (I strongly suggest this book.) She suggests "One of the surest signs of discerning poorly is being absolutely, positively certain that we know God's will." (p 24) Well then, I suppose I'm discerning wisely by NOT knowing then, right??

Discernment is not an easy process, but it is also not something that just comes and goes through life. We are constantly thinking, processing, making decisions. Small ones, like what to wear today? Big ones, like what vocation would use my skills to help others most? I make 50+ decisions a day at work. Knowing what to do, where to go, who to surround yourself with...well honestly, it can bog a person down.

I have all these books on my shelf, but I don't read them. They just sit there. I'm on my computer practically all day at work and then I come home and browse the internet while I'm on the couch. I'm making an early- New Year's Resolution. To start reading more. Novels, fiction, non-fiction, books that will make me laugh, cry, think. Autobiographies, mystery, dramatic, feel good, educational. I also need to read more of the Good Book.

Kathleen Kelly (played by Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail) writes to her online friend:

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

I do feel like I lead a small life... certainly worthwhile and meaningful, but yet small in comparison to some and the things they have done. I know I am young, but I feel there is so much I want to do right now. Part of me wants to settle down, go back to school, do what I should in the Social Work field, be responsible. But the other part of me, wants to explore, travel the world, eat what I want, be adventurous. Part of me wants that fantasy version of myself, as seen through movies and T.V. Part of me wants this and that and everything in between. Part of me...

There are some ramblings for you. I am long overdue on a posting. I apologize. I have hopes to keep updates coming.

Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly. -Elizabeth Gilbert-

In Virginia

My Work

I haven’t been outside all day today and there are no windows so I don’t know what the weather is even like. The florescent overhead light has been on all day and makes it feel like there is some light, but I hate the contrast and feel. I pretty much read through the whole manual throughout this morning and early afternoon and then sat in on a VEMAT meeting. VEMAT (Virginia Enhanced Maintenance Assessment Tool) is an annual check-list that gets reviewed for a child, looking at emotional, behavioral, and physical/personal care needs. Depending on how the child scores, additional monthly money is allotted to foster families. The higher the score, the more money. This is a new enhanced system and honestly I don’t see how it’s possible to grant more money to families. Where the money comes from when cuts are being made in other places, I don’t know. So I am becoming oriented on this assessment tool because it’s new since I last worked here. Tomorrow I go to court for two of my clients. Basically my case load will be 3 sibling groups in 3 different foster families. I am “trainee” status since I didn’t have the needed one-year experience, prior to working here. But I’m fine with that because it means a smaller caseload for the first year.

I am a little intimidated because the lady that I share an office with started in February of this year, but is older and experienced. And then sitting in with families and other caseworkers…I just feel young and innocent. Plus it doesn’t help that I look young and innocent. But as I’ve always thought before, life is what you make it and how you come into a situation. A positive attitude is everything and I HAVE done this work before. But now it’s serious and I am a real case worker here. This is my first real job in more of a Social Work role and needless to say, I’m a little scared. But I know that all things come with time. Everyone at one point in life, starting working and was young and naïve. So here I am world!

My Life

This weekend Josh, Hanna (Amarisa), and I are traveling up to Ohio for my dad’s farewell weekend as part of his resignation from Wooster Mennonite. It’ll be nice to see the church family one last time and reminisce about the last 14 years in Ohio. To some extent it’s sad and sometimes I don’t like changes like this and closing doors of my childhood. But at the same time, I know it’s right for my mom and dad and a good step towards whatever is next in life for them and our family.

My Apartment

Too put it simply…it’s tiny.

Stats:

-Exactly 21 steps from bedroom to kitchen

-3 windows (but 2 of which aren’t worth calling windows)

-Small fridge and stove (the cookie sheets I had purchased don’t even fit in the oven! Haha)

-Lots of wood paneling and built-in storage (almost too much, but this is a good problem)

-Best way to define: Kinda feels like a trailer, just straight back and small

But it’s sufficient for me and I’m waiting for more decorative pieces and furniture to arrive. I’m excited to have a place to myself for once, but also hoping that I don’t get too lonely. It seems that food is more enjoyable when shared with others and that time goes a little faster with internet and T.V. and people J But with a busy schedule at work and plenty of wonderful friends and family around, I think it will quickly turn into a sanctuary for myself to get away and find my peace of mind.

My Thoughts

As the familiar verse in the Bible says, and I’m reminded from the wall-hanging above my work desk; Faith Hope Love: The greatest of these is love. I have received a lot of love already since I arrived. I finally met my little niece after a month (Amarisa Joyann) and am already thoroughly enjoying being around her. I know that my faith and loads of hope will also come into play throughout the year. God is good and has provided me with this job and I’m surrounded by wonderful people to work with. To Him be the glory!

Best wishes to all who continue to read this,

Lindsey

Crisp air, long sleeves

The last two days have given me a taste for autumn and I'm getting excited for the new season! I love the idea of wearing light long sleeves, sipping hot apple cider, cuddling up outside to a fire, and the leaves changing glorious different colors.

Last Friday was my last day of work...and it was a great way to end my time with Out and About. We drove to Georgetown and went on a loop train ride. It was a beautiful day and my group was easy to maintain. At the end of the day, saying good-byes to participants was difficult and it's sad knowing that I won't see them again. But this past week I've been thinking about my time at work and ending there, and I feel at peace with having finished there. Yes, I had a wonderful learning experience with Imagine! and I truly loved my placement there....but I feel this transition onward is a good thing. And for those feelings of contentment...I am happy. :)

This week I have been staying at my boyfriend's parent's home....and everyone has been so supportive and hospitable. The move last Saturday was stressful and tiring, but we did it all in one day. And ladies from the church did a lot of the cleaning, so I was freed from that duty. Earlier this week I still had some details to take care of for the old house, but I think I am finally free from my duties at the VS house. I went over to the new house recently and it's a nice house...they still have a lot of unpacking to do. I am happy with the year I gave to service, but also ready to move on.

This week I've been slightly productive...getting some things filled out for my end-of-term as well as filling out papers for my future job placement. Mostly I've been catching up on sleep. Went to a concert Monday night, caught a little flu bug which laid me up all day Tuesday, toured a local brewery, and last night went to a stressful Rockies game vs the Phillies. (We lost 11-12)

Just a few more days here...such an odd feeling. My dad flies in Sunday night and we drive out Monday. I think there will be a lot more to process once I actually leave Colorado. I am filled with mixed emotions, but am also somewhat ready to go and start the new transition.

Not sure what will happen to my blog...might just become a site in the oblivion or I may maintain it.

Thanks to those who faithfully read my blog and kept me in your thoughts and prayers. I couldn't have made it through this year without your loving support.

Should you want to keep in touch, my address in Harrisonburg is:

1538 College Ave. Apt. 1

Harrisonburg, VA 22802

Peace to all,

Lindsey

Moving boxes, cups of coffee, hugs goodbye

The moving and transitional adventures have begun!! Whew...lots of changes are occurring, along with new people.

The two new lady VSers are here. Jasmine has been here a week and half and Naomi just arrived yesterday. She started work today at Imagine! I'm excited for someone to be working with Out and About and gaining the same experience I did. But at the same time, I'm also a little reluctant to have her work in the same placement, selfish reasons alone.

Moving day is this upcoming Saturday....so I've already been packing up the house and my room. My room isn't difficult, it's dealing with all the crap in the house that has been accumulated over the years. Plus the house was left with things from the previous owner. So there is a bunch of junk that will get thrown and donated. Part of me wishes I could pack up my car and scoot out of here. But I have a final duty here and want to make the new VSers feel welcome and comfortable. And things are coming together with the house, it's just a matter of doing instead of just talking!

Friday is my last day of work...my supervisors asked me who I would like to work with my last week...so I'm working with some of my favorites! :) I'm excited! Friday night I am having a farewell party with a couple from church who are also leaving CO to serve a three-year term with MCC. So that should be fun, lots of yummy food, people, and mingling.

I would greatly appreciate prayers as we make this big transition this week and weekend. Specifically, prayers for strength, patience, and endurance.

Onto other news: I'm an aunt!!! Amarisa Joyann was born August 16th at 9:54pm and was a healthy 9lbs 3 oz! Everyone is healthy and happy. My parents went down for an extended weekend visit (which makes me green with envy) but I know soon enough I'll be meeting the little one and playing with her. Praise God for new life and love!!

Ok well I need to do some more packing and organizing...I'll probably post once or twice more before my time in Colorado is over. I'm also debating whether to keep blogging....we'll see..

Peace,

Lindsey

Worrying vs. Relying

Isn't it funny how we tend to worry? Worry about little things, big things, stuff that doesn't matter. And then something happens, something clicks...and you gain perspective once again and realize that all of that worrying was wasted time. And then you also realize how God is in control and always has your back, no matter what. Down to every last detail.

That is where I'm at right now and I am at a place of inner peace and contentment. Because for now, I am not worrying. And how funny that I know I will worry again, even after moments of clarity. Oh how silly we are!

But things have fallen into place for me and I have a place to live AND a job in Harrisonburg!! I let my supervisor from my social work practicum in college know that I would be moving back into town and to let me know of open positions in and around Harrisonburg. Little did I know that around that same time, this agency (Children Services of VA- Treatment Foster Care) was thinking about hiring an additional worker! Oh the timing! I don't have quite all the experience that they're looking for, so I will be considered a trainee and have a smaller case load for the first year, but overall I'm excited. I had a very positive experience doing my practicum in that setting and learned a lot both in the office and out in the community with clients. I'm also excited to be working in such a supportive environment and with really great staff.

God is good. End of story.

I am enjoying August so far...work continues to be busy and is still keeping me on my toes, as I work with new individuals. It's sad to think of leaving my placement and saying good-bye to all the participants and co-workers I have developed relationship with. There are many participants I have grown quite fond of and not seeing their faces on a regular basis, saddens me. I feel like I will leave part of my heart in this place. My blood, sweat, tears- my joy, happiness, and anger/frustration...all have come through at some point in my year here. I have grown in so many ways through this job and learned things that I don't even know of yet. I would say the top things I have learned are: selflessness, patience, flexibility, and human importance. But beyond that, I have learned that when you are your raw self and the essence of humility- that is when you reach people and they see you for who you are and what they want to become when they are around you.

A lady at church shared last Sunday...and her words hit a nerve with me. She was talking about serving people and how before we share with them about spiritual matters and their spirituality; we need to first meet them where they're at and attend to their basic needs. Helping people isn't a matter of sweeping in and patching troubled spots. It's digging deep, meeting them on their level, and seeing them for who they are. This year of service wasn't what I was expecting...but this placement at Out and About has been the utmost blessing in my life and I am truly sad to leave.

I am but one person and can only do so much. But when many in this earthly kingdom serve...big changes can be made and people will notice.

Have a happy, safe weekend friends.
Lindsey

Hot sunshine, Blue skies

It feels like a lot has happened since I last updated with a post.

After my trip to Ohio and my bout with strep throat, I eventually made it back to work and got back into the swing of things. But not before some good friends visited and we did some hiking, drove up Pikes Peak (yes, I should have climbed it), and ate a lot of great food!

Work has been keeping be busy...the first couple of weeks back consisted of a lot of office work (felt like they had forgotten to put me on the schedule) but soon enough I was busy out on shift work again. I continue to enjoy the work I do and find it rewarding in so many ways. As my year-term draws to a close, I think about all the wonderful relationships I have formed with the participants and with co-workers. I will deeply miss the work I do and it will leave a hole in my heart for some time.

Just recently one of our participants lost his mother to a heart attack. I was the last instructor to interact with her, as she dropped off her son on Tuesday morning and then passed away that night. After I had heard of her passing, it left me with chills and deep sadness. In our work meeting this month we touched on how to deal with this personally as well as how to treat and respond to this participant. He came to activities this week and seems to be doing well. He has always had a fixation on talking about the same topics and most of the time they are rather morbid. So we were all a little worried about how he would handle this situation. I wonder what the differences are in how people react and handle death and loss? It certainly would be hard to grapple with if you had a developmental disability. --An EMU alumni recently died in a motorcycle accident--and all of these things remind me of the fragility of life and our time here on earth. We are but a moment. I hope to always remain in-tune with my surroundings and never forget the precious people in my life.

A few weeks ago the basement flooded again...not a good time. Handled a lot of the issues on my own since my landlord doesn't care too much. It was a frustrating time and I had to sleep elsewhere for a few nights. It was especially bad this time, as it also flooded the living room in the basement as well as 3/4 of my room. The smell was pretty unbearable. Fans dried it out eventually and Asher and I also rented a carpet cleaner, sucking up a lot of water. Things are back to normal and put in place for the most part. I am ready to move out and crossing my fingers that it doesn't happen again. Thanks to all who thought and prayed for me during that time. I couldn't have made it through without support and prayers.

I had a wonderful birthday weekend and day....last Saturday shared a birthday BBQ with a friend who shares the same birthday. It was hot day, but a fun- filled time with good food, laughter, sunshine, and good company. On Wednesday, I didn't have to work (miraculously)- so me and some friends went tubing on Boulder creek (pretty wild) and then went out for lunch. Then I went out to eat with Asher to BeniHana...and it was delicious! Also received a spectacular package from my parents, filled with all sorts of goodies! So it was a great day and I felt a lot of love! Thanks for all the well-wishes!!

My time is nearing with about one month left of work. I have mixed emotions and will deeply miss parts of my life here, but yet also look on Harrisonburg and all the warmth and support there. I know my transition back will be rocky. I have an apartment and am excited to be living alone for once in my life. I am know applying for job positions and am praying that something lines up.

Blessings to all,

Lindsey

My trip to Ohio was met with busyness, wedding happiness, family togetherness, and a whirlwind of activity. Flying in I saw: lush green terrain, rolling hills, farms with silos. I breathed a sigh of relief as we landed and felt right at home in the arms of my mother and father.

But the whole time I was in Ohio..I kept thinking how I didn't really feel anything for the place. And then I got to thinking about my friends who were staying around the area or living somewhere in Ohio (...and not that I feel like I need a big adventure in my life; or that Ohio isn't good enough) and it's just not where I want to be living.

The trip wasn't exactly restful and not the typical visit home, as there were tons of people around and things to be done. But it was nice to see friends at the wedding that I hadn't seen for awhile, as well as family. I hope to never take relationships for granted whether they are coming or going.

I arrived back in the great state of Colorado...only to get utterly sick. Sunday and Monday it felt like death was knocking (not literally but with the fatigue, weakness, and loneliness- sorta). Thought I had the flu or something...finally went to the doctor on Wednesday and she thought it was strep throat so now I'm on antibiotics. This is the 3rd time this year (2010) that I've been on antibiotics!! I've never been so sick in all my life! Prayers for continued healing and good health would be appreciated. I have a lot more energy and looking forward to having a normal routine again soon...

That said...the time is dwindling down. (That is strange to write). I have mixed emotions...bittersweet, like the end of college was for me as well. Being alone and sick this week though, I discovered that I have in fact made a good decision in moving back east. There aren't good friends for me here and nothing meaningful to keep me around. I know things will be different when I move back, but I welcome having some family and good friends around. At the same time, I have developed good relationships with people/families at church that I will truly miss. As well as just liking the idea of being in place where I can be whoever I want and starting something for myself.

The garden grows!!! I was so excited to come home and find that my plants had doubled in size and seem to be doing fairly well. Hopefully there is produce before I leave!!

Well that is all for now...hope that all are doing well.

Prayer for Guidance (Rev. Julie Mustonen)

Oh God of Light and Love

the journey begins with a few small steps.

May your spirit light my path

and open my heart

as I seek to follow you.

May I come to a fuller knowledge

of who I am as your child.

so that I may serve you in the best way.

May you help me move ahead

with courage and joy,

savoring the stages as I pass through them,

looking for signs of your presence and guidance.

Throughout this journey into faithfulness,

may I be ever mindful and encouraged by

the life and work of Jesus Christ,

who walks beside me, friend and redeemer. Amen.

Hands in the dirt

Dirty hands. Cool soil. Moist plants. Fresh earth.

Time-- invested. Hope--it'll grow. Love--planted.

I put in a little garden tonight in our "backyard". It felt so good to get my hands in the earth again...kinda made me miss my summer job at OARDC. There is something therapeutic about digging holes, feeling the dirt under your fingernails, and knowing that you're starting a plant's life. This is my first attempt at growing something solely on my own...and I really hope that life springs forth.

I think I needed that plant therapy after my week. It's not that I had a bad week or even too crazy...I just came into the week not feeling rested from the previous weekend and a little unprepared. So am really looking forward to having a few days off!

I should tell you about last weekend. It was...epic. And not in a good way. I worked Thursday and Friday nights. Friday night was my first time experiencing that shift and it was crazy! (which I hear, it was an unusual night) We ate out and the restaurant took forever with our 30+ bills and I was still in the office at 1:00am. Then I had to turn around and go back to work Saturday morning! So I finally get home Saturday afternoon and am looking forward to relaxing and the weekend! My one housemate and his family and friends were staying at our house because it was Sam's birthday last Friday. They decided to go to a Rockies game and that left me with the house to myself ...I was happy :) So I decided to take a shower before getting some supper. (Keep in my mind, I have a basement room and bathroom in the house...and people rarely come down there. RARELY.) I lock the bathroom door since I'm home alone and the doors are open upstairs. After my shower, I realize that the lock on the door is spinning around and around and has somehow unlatched from the doorknob. Leaving me...yes...that's right....locked in. I try EVERYTHING....I try slamming the door. Yanking on it from left to right. Up to down. I try taking off the hinges- but I don't have any tools so no luck there. I tried for a good 30-45 mins and then decided that I wasn't going anywhere. And surprisingly I didn't freak out too badly. Luckily, Sam's brother and sister-in-law were sleeping in the basement so I knew that whenever they got back, I would be saved. In the meantime, I cleaned the toilet really well(!), gave myself a manicure/pedicure, listened to the radio, straightened my hair, did my make-up, and eventually slept (yes, on the bathroom floor with sheets from the closet). They finally came home close to 3 a.m. and Sam's sister-in-law undid the screws on the outside and saved me! That was the longest 8 hours of my life (honestly)...at some points I just sat there, bored out of my mind.

That situation really made me re-think living alone or being alone in a house. Especially having the basement room and the fact that our house isn't very community-oriented....all make living downstairs a little scary. In that 8 hours I ran through all the worst case scenarios I could think of...including the fact that if people had not been sleeping down in the basement, I could have potentially been in there for a few days. No lie. Our house does not keep close tabs on each other and the guys only come downstairs to do laundry or grab the debit card.

But needless to say...I was somehow oddly blessed through that and made it out in one piece! That's not to say that I have a little phobia of that bathroom now and like to take my phone in there with me during shower time. The rest of my weekend was busy, but good. Went to a Rockies game on Sunday afternoon and baked in the sun for a few hours. And Monday I went to the Boulder Creek Festival downtown and had some fun there and then went to a BBQ at some church people's place.

This week we geared up for Summer camp at work...it begins this coming up Monday and should be crazy! They've hired 25 additional staff and are still hiring. It will be interesting working with new staff who don't know what they're doing, as well as meeting new kids. I think it will be fun and I'm mostly looking forward to it. Except for the long day part....should be tiring! I'm carpooling on Monday and picking up the first guy at 6:45 am. Boo.

I am looking forward to flying home Wednesday!! I am in my friend's wedding on the 12th and then my mom's family is getting together the following week. Should be nice to see some family I haven't seen in quite some time.

I am feeling...happy right now and look forward to the progress my plants will make.

Here's to hoping,

Lindsey

Tonight I come home from work with a full heart and a feeling of being content. Something about my evening shift filled a space within me.

The shift is called "Giddy Up" and it involves participants interacting with horses at a therapeutic horse program. We've been attending for the spring season and tonight was our last night. It was a night of celebration as we made treats for the horses and the participants were finally able to RIDE a horse. Afterwards we had a time of sharing and went around the circle and said things that we appreciated about each participant that attends. And for some reason, this meant so much to me. I wish I could do this with all of my participants and let them know what they mean to me and how special they are. But the best part was hearing what participants had to say about each other. One guy explained his connections with the horses and how meaningful that has been for him. The horse's power and presence. Their gentleness and kindness. And how he sees another participant's love for one particular horse.

Another participant said good-bye to a horse she had deeply fallen in love with and has joked of taking home with her. She turned to me, eyes filled with tears...and I saw the love and sadness as I explained that it was okay to cry and she had had a wonderful time playing and getting to know Starlight.

I work with such beautiful people. They are filled with joy, love, and life. They interact with open arms. They laugh, play, and cry. And most of all they have blessed my life beyond words. I am brought to tears thinking about their gentle spirits and how despite supposed "challenges" in their lives, they are caring and giving.

May God grant us all the nature of humility and love.

Blessings,

Lindsey

It's been a while since I've posted an update.

In the past month....

~ my family visited for an extended weekend. It was a wonderful time together...and they spoiled me. We explored downtown, ate out, shopped, etc...but the best part was sharing laughter together. I felt rejuvenated after their visit and am so blessed to have such a wonderful, loving, and supportive family. Oh and my father (bless his heart) drove my car out, all the way from Ohio. He tried selling it in the fall, but to no avail. Somehow things aligned and now I have wheels. It's a strange feeling. After 6-7 months of using public transportation and walking, I sometimes feel guilty just hopping in my car. It is a blessing though after a 10-11 hour day to just get in my car and be home within 15 minutes. I definitely won't take having a vehicle for granted, that's for sure. I feel like I have some of my freedom and independence back.

~ work has been busy. More instructors have been hired, but I think we are still understaffed. There is one shift that always ends in frustration and it mostly has to do with staffing needs and scheduling. The Tuesday swimming shift with the adults is a pain. We are short male staff on those afternoons and there are quite a few male participants who require assistance with changes. A few weeks ago, it was really bad and one of our male staff (who is fairly new) was not helping people as needed. I eneded up being a half hour late for my drop-offs. It's interesting to see how a system works when everyone is team-oriented and self-less. And then one person puts a small glitch in that system- it doesn't just affect that one person, it affects everyone because we are connected to each other. The same might be said for my housing situation. Granted we aren't as interconnected as say my work environment. But when you have a small unit arrangement- one person out of three makes for a large percentage of the vibe. I still struggle with my one housemate's personality and social awareness. It's an ongoing battle and I continually need reminders from God about patience and respect.

~ I've been hanging out with two guys from church a lot more. Which has been fun, but also makes me feel another hole in my life for girlfriends. I really appreciate these guys and they are good friends, whom I feel I can share my experience with and other joys and trials of life. I feel blessed to have their friendships and sometimes think, if I didn't have them- who would I hang out with? Good question... but I am looking forward to some fun times this summer.

We are getting closer to summer camp at work...this makes me excited and a little nervous. It means tripling our kids and hiring 40 some additional staff. I've heard mixed reviews, like either you love it or hate it. And the days are long and tiring. My term ends at the end of August...and it feels more real when people talk to me about my future plans or me leaving. I think I have mixed feelings somewhat. Especially since there are so many great people in the congregation and I am enjoying Denver and Boulder's options for entertainment and fun. But somehow that isn't enough and still leaves me feeling mediocre.

I feel like some of my experience can be attributed to this being my first year out of college. The last four years of my life were filled with quality social interaction, friends right and left, a nurturing Christian environment, etc. Plus college is a sub-reality and basically just fun mixed in with learning. So of course that has been adjustment to this year. To put myself into a place where I didn't know a soul, let alone had never visited...that's a huge step. And I chose Boulder...even though I knew it was small unit. That was a gamble. Put I still played it. So I don't know what I'm saying...I suppose...that I made decisions and was brought to this place. I don't regret it by any means...if anything this year has taught me patience and servanthood. Challenges are a part of the journey and they have developed my character and changed me.

God continues to be faithful and provides. I really shouldn't complain, considering the huge blessings I have in my life and the love and support that I receive.

Our choices do reflect on God's reputation, our witness in the world, and our fellowship with Him. But God will never reject His people, those who are truly His. The Lord cannot and will not forsake His own. (Heb 13:5)- From Our Daily Bread-

Palm Sunday

Palm Sunday. What does it mean?

Two years ago I had the privilege of being in the old city of Jerusalem for this Sunday. Hundreds of Christians from all over the world gathered to walk down the Mt. of Olives, waving palm branches- many singing, strumming guitar, banging drums.

I led the children's story this morning and did some research on Palm Sunday that I found interesting and wanted to share with you.

The palm branch was a symbol of triumph and victory in pre-Christian times. The Romans rewarded champions of the games and celebrated military successes with palm branches. Jews followed a similar tradition of carrying palm branches during festive times.

In Biblical times, the regional custom called for kings and nobles arriving in procession to ride on the back of a donkey. The donkey was a symbol of peace and those who rode upon them proclaimed peaceful intentions. The laying of palm branches indicated that the king or dignitary was arriving in victory or triumph. However in later times, when aristocracy used horses, depicting the Messiah as riding a donkey came to have an opposite connotation- as indicating a simple, sober way of life and avoiding luxury.

Donkeys:

-can carry 20-30% of their own weight

-known for their loud vocalizations

-used as farming/dairy animals

-stubborn

-appear to be quite intelligent, cautious, friendly, playful, eager to learn

I think that we are sometimes like donkeys. We are stubborn at times- don't want to budge when it comes to certain situations or interactions with people. But we are friendly, intelligent people- yet sometimes we feel small and insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But just as Jesus chose to ride in on a donkey...so God has chosen us to be ambassadors and has plans for us. In "Our Daily Bread" it says: Think of it! The Creator of the universe needs us and desires to fit us into His eternal design! Though all-powerful and not dependent on any creature, He has chosen to carry out His plans through lowly human instruments. If this were not so, He would have taken us to heaven as soon as He saved us by His grace.

Something to ponder as we enter into Holy Week and prepare for Jesus' arrest and crucifixion.

Pictures

View from Rocky Mountain National Park
Mary, myself, and Jenna
God's majesty
How can you not see God's face in nature?

Life happenings

I believe an update is due...

So what has happened in the last month? Well what hasn't happened?!

-Went to a young adult snow camp at Rocky Mountain Mennonite camp- It was such a nice weekend. It was really nice to get away from "regular" life and spend some time out in nature. I met some really great people, both local and far away. We had some small group time to discuss the theme for the week "Rituals, traditions, and symbols". It was an interesting theme- but created for some good discussion. There was time for relaxing and playing games, as well as outdoor activities. Saturday was hiking or snowshoeing, tubing, and then a broomball tournament (my team won!!). I came home in a relaxed state, but also extremely sore from all that exercise!! :)

-My two close friends from high school and college (Jenna and Mary) came to visit me for a week. What a splendid time we had. I took off three days from work and we explored downtown Boulder, went to Rocky Mountain National Park, and did an extreme hike on Friday. Let's just say we weren't quite prepared for the conditions and the last hour is straight up and it was complete snow and ice. Not exactly easy when you don't have waterproof gloves or any gloves at all for that matter OR hiking boots! It was at times frustrating and at some points I wanted to give up, but oh my...the view was well worth the struggle. What a spectacular view it was!! It was soo nice to have quality, close friends visit. It felt like my two worlds were finally colliding (when I went home for Christmas and told people about Boulder, it felt like a dream and like that part of my life wasn't real to everyone else) But now that people are beginning to visit me, it is becoming more real. That I do have a life out here in a new place. Having Jenna and Mary leave was also kinda hard. It made me realize how I don't have close, quality friendships out here and I really felt that void after they had left. That has been an ongoing struggle for me this year and has definitely made me appreciate those wonderful friendships I do have. This has been a stretching experience for me and am learning to be very independent and at some times, lonely.

-Work has continued to be busy and at times stressful. They have hired some new staff, so that will be nice to fill in some of the missing gaps in our programming. I am continuing to strengthen my relationships with participants and am learning to work with people that haven't worked with before. This has been a bit challenging. It feels like I'm starting all over in some ways. For example, for the month of March I have been working with a participant who requires full support while on shift and there are a lot of little "tricks" to learn in order to work with him. He utilizes a wheelchair, self-gags, grabs hair, bites, the list goes on. So I've been briefed on what country stations he enjoys, to sing to him because he loves music, how to release his grasp should he grab, etc. He has already bitten me twice. And it frustrates me, but not because it hurts or anything. But because it feels like I'm failing with him. Like I'm not doing something right. Not picking up when he's fed up and we should take a break. I feel like it's my own fault for getting bit. This past Tuesday he clamped down hard and broke skin, causing me to bleed. According to protocol and worker's comp, I was required to go to urgent care to get a blood path test. They didn't give me a test, wasted an hour and half of my time, and gave me a band-aid. And then because I'm a volunteer, worker's comp doesn't cover the bill- so now Out and About has to pay for it or my house fund. Just a mess.

-The house: well I know some of you know of my struggles in my housing situation. Basically- it has been a challenge to live with two guys that I didn't previously know. I don't feel the community setting that I was hoping for, coming in. Nights exist of eating a meal together and then everyone going their separate ways, typically to rooms. That's not what I signed up for. I'll have an occasional good conversation with my one housemate, but they are few and far between. And my one housemate is very hard to get along with- so that has been frustrating. It is amazing how one person can affect so much- but I am seeing the ripple effects and it is breaking my experience in the house. I have decided for several reasons- that I will not be serving another year in MVS. Some of it has to do with the housing/community feel, some to do with my social network/support system. I have been contemplating what to do next or where to go. I haven't made a decision and am relying on God to lead me and open windows to the future. Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated as I discern. I really enjoy this state and all it's beauty--but if you don't have people you enjoy to share it with...what good is it?

I think that pretty much brings you up-to-date on my life. I could also use some prayer for my health. I have been sick since the beginning of January and haven't been able to fully recover. I am going to the doctor on Monday and hope that I can finally kick whatever has been bothering me. Sometimes I think we take our good health for granted.

Yesterdays devotional for Lent talked about Jesus' ministry and his radical approach to teaching.

"He broke the law, where rules had become more important than people. He lived an upside-down understanding of human worth. Jesus messed with the order of the day, as he touched the unclean, ate with sinners, and claimed authority to heal and forgive.....To learn from Jesus means that we will live truths that are uncomfortable for many, and risk our own comfort for the justice and wholeness of others." -- just something to think about...

Blessings to each of you. May you feel the warmth of God's love in this coming week.

Lindsey

I received the following email from Tent of Nations- a family-run farm that my EMU group visited while on cross-cultural. I will never forget talking to Daoud, one of the brothers farming in the West Bank. I interviewed him for my research project during our trip. This non-profit has been striving for decades to keep their land and promote peace. I pray that peace will continue to be planted and sprout in the hearts of all.

February 12, 2010

Dear Friends of Tent of Nations,

We would like to update you on the impending crisis situation that the Nassar family is currently facing. As you know, the Nassar Family Farm/Tent of Nations Project has a long history of modeling peaceful co-existence with its neighbors through teaching courses and providing workshops and conferences for women and youth. It also provides opportunities for internationals, Israelis and Palestinians to unite in solidarity around a common dream of a just peace.

You have been a part of that journey through your support. For some of you, a visit to the farm itself has made it even more personal. In 2009, over 4,000 international visitors were welcomed to the land by the Nassar family. Some were volunteers who worked the land and taught a variety of workshops - others included church groups, religious leaders from all faiths, and interfaith peace delegations. The Tent of Nations has always provided a safe haven for those who are committed to justice, and we want it to continue to do so.

However, there has been a recent escalation in threats and harassment by Jewish settlers and by the Israeli army. For example, on two separate occasions in the last three months, Israeli soldiers have forced their way onto the property, conducting searches of family members and internationals and threatening to return with eviction papers. Most recently, on January 25, an Israeli bulldozer, accompanied by three military jeeps, came and blocked the road to the farm at the eastern entrance near the settlement of Neve Daniel. At first, the family thought the soldiers were there to destroy everything on the farm that they have worked so long and hard to build. Fortunately, the soldiers simply erected a roadblock and departed. Lately, the Israeli military has made its presence known both day and night.

Residents of the nearby village of Nahalin have been stopped at ‘flying checkpoints’ as they attempt to reach their homes from Route 60, the main north/south highway in that area. Palestinians are now barred from using the road connecting Route 60 and the farm, so in order to travel between Bethlehem and the farm the Nassar family must travel through the villages of Nahalin and Husan. This is a burdensome detour for them as well as for the 20,000 villagers affected by these new regulations. In conjunction with the family attorney, the Nassars are trying to determine the intentions of the Israelis in the hope that access to the farm can be preserved. As always, the family wishes to proceed calmly, constructively and legally. If the situation worsens, however, we all may be asked to come to their aid in appropriate ways (i.e., writing letters/making phone calls to our congressional representatives and other influential individuals, etc.).

For the moment, however, we just want you to be aware of these developments and to reflect on ways you might support our efforts in the event that this crisis gains momentum and specific actions are warranted. We ask that you please take no individual action on this until you hear from us again. We will continue to keep you informed. Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions or suggestions at Friends of Tent of Nations North America (www.fotonna.org).

With deep gratitude for your support,

Mark Braverman, Executive Director FOTONNA Steering Committee: Steve France, Bill Mims, Bill Plitt, Kay Plitt

http://www.fotonna.org/.html (I encourage you to check out their website to learn more about their cause)

_____________________________________________________

Things have been going well for me...just busy busy. I don't know why work has been so crazy lately- but I am certainly not running out of things to do. My weekend is just getting underway since I worked Saturday all day and then helped out with the youth lock-in at church from Sat night until Sunday morning. My shift on Saturday felt wild. I think I calculated that I left the office at 9:45 am and didn't get to my destination until 12:30 pm. Spending almost three hours in a van, with snowy/icy conditions on the road- plus not knowing where I was going and getting turned around= not very exciting. But there is always a bright side to anything. My participants were very patient and once we got to our activity, they had a great time! So just gotta take things as they are.

These past few weeks at work I have been thinking about this one participant. I believe he has been diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction/Disorder. We receive and perceive sensory input through sights, sounds, touch, tastes, smells and movement.

Difficulty taking in or interpreting this input can lead to devastating consequences in:

• daily functioning

• social and family relationships

• behavioral challenges

• regulating emotions

• self-esteem

• learning

Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID) is a neurological disorder that was first studied in-depth by A. Jean Ayres, Ph.D., OTR. Dr. Ayres describes sensory integration as the ability to organize sensory information for use by the brain. An individual with sensory integration dysfunction would therefore have an inability to organize sensory information as it comes in through the senses (Wikipedia).

This participant's world is far different from our own and I often wonder what is processing in his mind when he does things. Two weeks ago he had a very violent episode with staff, that included pulling out large amounts of hair, ripping her shirt apart, lunging at staff and participants, wailing endlessly, etc. N.T. is known to attack or pull hair as this gives him the needed sensory (touch) that he may be lacking at that moment. After nearly an hour and a half with this behavior, his staff was finally able to calm him down and get him to answer why he was so distraught. Apparently the perfume that his staff was wearing bothered him and he had rubbed her scarf on his neck and that enhanced the smell for him. Wow....right? What would it be like to live in a world where your sense of smell was so heightened that the only way for you to react and try and gain perspective, is through lashing out? Or to live in a world where your sense of touch and feeling barely exist? I think that is something that we take for granted and don't even realize it. Having sensory things in our lives is very important and helps us to maintain balanced, "in-touch" lives. So to live with a skewed sense of that would be alienating and frustrating I am sure. The children's program coordinator was talking to some of us after that intense shift with N.T. and she said that she has worked in a lot of places, including institutions and has never seen anything like this or anyone react so intensely as he does. It really makes me feel for his mom and what she goes through on a daily basis.

Blessings to you as we begin this Lenten season....may you feel God's presence in a new, fresh way and thirst for His renewal in your life.

Lindsey