I don't read enough...

Grant me, O Lord, to know what I ought to know, to love what I ought to love, to praise what delights you most, to value what is precious in your sight, to hate what is offensive to you. Do not allow me to judge according to the hearing of my ears, but to discern with a true judgment between things visible and spiritual, and above all things, always to inquire what is the good pleasure of your will.

-Thomas A Kempis-

What is God's will for my life? I am reading Hearing with the Heart by Debra K. Farrington. (I strongly suggest this book.) She suggests "One of the surest signs of discerning poorly is being absolutely, positively certain that we know God's will." (p 24) Well then, I suppose I'm discerning wisely by NOT knowing then, right??

Discernment is not an easy process, but it is also not something that just comes and goes through life. We are constantly thinking, processing, making decisions. Small ones, like what to wear today? Big ones, like what vocation would use my skills to help others most? I make 50+ decisions a day at work. Knowing what to do, where to go, who to surround yourself with...well honestly, it can bog a person down.

I have all these books on my shelf, but I don't read them. They just sit there. I'm on my computer practically all day at work and then I come home and browse the internet while I'm on the couch. I'm making an early- New Year's Resolution. To start reading more. Novels, fiction, non-fiction, books that will make me laugh, cry, think. Autobiographies, mystery, dramatic, feel good, educational. I also need to read more of the Good Book.

Kathleen Kelly (played by Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail) writes to her online friend:

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

I do feel like I lead a small life... certainly worthwhile and meaningful, but yet small in comparison to some and the things they have done. I know I am young, but I feel there is so much I want to do right now. Part of me wants to settle down, go back to school, do what I should in the Social Work field, be responsible. But the other part of me, wants to explore, travel the world, eat what I want, be adventurous. Part of me wants that fantasy version of myself, as seen through movies and T.V. Part of me wants this and that and everything in between. Part of me...

There are some ramblings for you. I am long overdue on a posting. I apologize. I have hopes to keep updates coming.

Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly. -Elizabeth Gilbert-