This week at work I was reminded how the systems and programs our society sets up to help people, often times fail them in the end.

Funding for example. A participant's funding gets cut for any odd reason and they can't participate in activities they enjoy or the transportation they once relied on is now limited. Saturday I picked up a participant and even though he lives a minute or two from the basesite, I couldn't take him home because his funding wouldn't allow it. Some participants are rolling in funds and can do any activity they choose, while others have limited options and can only come several times a week.

We have to keep track of how many hours a participant is with us as well as where they were picked up and dropped off at. It all has to do with money. You either have it or you don't. The budget is tight and so even my volunteer work is used to their benefit. They schedule me to work Thursdays in the office, so that valuable office work gets done.

Onto other things: this past week was crazy busy and it kinda felt like I was running around with my head cut-off. Back to back 9 hour days can really get to you and I am glad for a day off today. It's snowing here and absolutely beautiful, large flakes. I should go out and frolic in it, but I can't seem to muster the energy. Things still feel a little stressful for me. Two guys from MMN (the director and our unit supervisor) came to church on Sunday and I was able to chat with them a little bit. I was reminded that I will need to give a definite decision as to what I will be doing around mid-March at the latest. So now it feels like I really need to kick into gear and figure out what I want to do. But I feel like you can't rush God's planning--I can't kick him in the butt and say "Ok, give me clear decision or path to follow!" That's not how it works!! Although sometimes I think we wish it did. If only... so how do I listen to what God wants me to do and where he leads, yet still make a decision on a time-line? I think I'm worried that I am going to make a decision and then something good or bad will happen and then I will be stuck with that decision I made prior to the event.

Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated as I discern what to do next in this crazy journey called life.

Hope-

Lindsey

Let Go, Let God

As I looked over a devotional for today from "Our Daily Bread" (online text)- I was struck in a God-moment.

I have been grappling with many things in the past week and half. From confusing co-worker relationships to what to do next in life to what is my calling and how can I be more Christ-like. None of these might I add, are simple tasks to grapple with. But God is once again proving to me that His plan is grander than I can expect and I should just let Him take-over.

Today's devotional talks about loving our neighbors- which is the greatest commandment from our Father, yet also it seems to be the most difficult. God must have known that it would be a tricky one.

"To love 'your neighbor as yourself' (Luke 10:27) requires the same urgent kind of love. It’s a love that notices the need of another person and won’t rest until it’s been met. It’s a gentle, tender love that thinks and acts carefully. It’s the sacrificial and compassionate love that a nameless Samaritan had for a fallen traveler. It’s the kind of love God wants to share with your neighbors through you. — Joe Stowell"

I find it easy to focus on MY problems and turn my prayers into self-centered ones. But God is at work and constantly reminding me that there is more to life than just my problems. We did arts and crafts this week at a church and in the women's restroom was a devotional for the day. I was curious to read it and it just happened to be the words I needed for that day. With a simple phrase repeated several times, "Let Go, Let God". Just let go off all the burdens from work, relationships, etc. and let God handle things. After all, He is the Master planner and knows what is going on. I think I can trust Him!! But it was just a gentle reminder that I needed.

I have also found it refreshing to say little one sentence prayers on my way to work. Even just a simple "Lord, give me strength for today"- seems to really help and the past few days at work have been excellent. I have always known that attitude means everything, but when you put it into action and go to work with a positive and energetic attitude-- the day is sooo much better!! I felt like I was connecting with participants and just having a plain good time!! God is indeed good!

In the call to remember our neighbors, I feel it appropriate to remember those affected in Haiti. As well as the violence and unrest occurring in Nigeria (as some of you may have heard- my uncle and aunt and their family are living in Jos- and there is currently a lot of destruction and violence going on between Christians and Muslims). My heart is heavy for all of those who are dealing with natural disasters or unrest. So many lives lost- so much destruction, disease. And so difficult to understand what our role is and what can be done. I pray for peace and understanding; for food, water, shelter, and medical assistance; and protection. May God's love transcend and transform bad to good.

I have a challenge for myself in this new year: to be Christ-like to those around and especially those I work with. I am reminded that "You cannot touch your neighbor’s heart with anything less than your own." And that is what I will be striving to do.

Are you with me?

Peace,

Lindsey

A fresh beginning..

Happy New Year! 2010...isn't that just strange to write? But I feel like this is going to be a good year.

I am ready for a new year and the great things it beholds. This new year will consist of volunteering for at least 7 months of it and continuing to learn, grow, and push myself out of my comfort zone. I am excited for what awaits and look forward to what God has in store.

Here is what I hope this year brings:

- vocational discernment as well as discernment on what my next step is (MVS sent me a packet to read through that has quotes, readings, etc. on vocational discernment so hopefully that will help in my journey)

- continued awareness about why I am here

-hope, peace, and love

-community living in the MVS house

-joy in the workplace and in my social life

- God's strength and peace in times of need

-quality friendships

I have been re-reading Elias Chacour's book: Blood Brothers (which if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. I met him on my cross-cultural to the Middle East. He is such a peaceful person and has amazing insight into the conflict going on over there as well how to be Christ-like and hopeful in all areas of life.). His book has got me thinking again about that little region known as Israel and the West Bank. And I often find myself saddened by the things that he has written, remembering my time there and how it has already been two years since my travels. I hope that this new year will bring peace and well-being to those living in that region of our world. It is sad to think of the pain, hatred, and blood that has been shed in the land that our Father once walked and taught in. A quote from Blood Brothers (something to ponder):

"'But Father,' Rudah persisted, anxiously, 'Why do the soldiers carry guns?'

Slipping his arm around Rudah's shoulders, Father replied,

'For centuries our Jewish brothers have been exiles in foreign lands. They were hunted and tormented- even by Christians. They have lived in poverty and sadness. They have been made to fear, and sometimes when people are afraid, they feel they have to carry guns. Their souls are weak because they have lost peace within.' " (p. 42)

Lost peace within. What a sad concept...and yet it seems so true. Why else would such horrible things be happening in the "Holy" land if everyone had inner peace and love within them?

Blessings as we begin a New year and look forward to the future! May we rekindle inner peace and lean on God for strength and support.

Peace-

Lindsey

This week I was again reminded of the fragility of life. There was a fatal motorcycle accident on South Boulder Road right by the Park and Ride bus stop, which is where I get on the bus. It occurred at 5:30 in the morning and wasn't cleared up until 11. It was really creepy walking by there when I headed to work because the motorcycle was still there and you could just tell a life was lost there earlier. I don't know how to explain it. One of the RTD (bus route) manager's gave me and a visually impaired woman a ride to another bus stop, where I was able to get on my correct bus. I got to work despite detours.

I don't know why but I couldn't stop thinking about the accident all day; about the guy's family; about what happened. I later read in the paper that he wasn't wearing a helmut when he wiped out coming off the off-ramp. It seizes to amaze that people continue to ride bikes and not wear helmets. But I suppose that is one blessing that I am aware of this holiday season. And I think I've written this before: but that life is fragile, beautiful, and shouldn't be taken for granted. We are all children of God who could go at any time, without warning. I don't mean to get morbid or "preachy"- but we were molded in love and should show it everyday despite the bad day we might be having. That man who died won't get a second chance or get to see his family again; that was all stripped away from him because of one incident, one accident. Life is fragile and changes are constant. But God remains and stays the same.

I am currently sitting in the Denver airport, waiting for my plane. My flight has been delayed due to a storm system working it's way on the East coast. So I will most likely miss my connection to Pittsburgh. Should be a nice, long day. :) But I am making the most of it, by blogging and maintaining a good attitude. No need to get discouraged when things will all work themselves out.

I am very excited to be traveling home. I am going to college friends' wedding on Saturday and then will be back in the great state of Ohio by Sunday. I am looking forward to goo times with family and friends as well as break from work.

Well the plane will be here soon. Have a blessed Christmas this year and remember the blessing of life.

Peace,

Lindsey

Embrace empty spaces

I always love when there's a snowstorm.

Everything slows down a little bit and it's quiet and serene. The cars aren't rushing to and fro quite as much and there is a peacefulness that seems to fill the space where traffic, people, and busyness once were. People still have there places to go and people to see- but when it snows, they are forced to do it at a much slower pace. Which I like- makes you stop and think a little bit.

Perhaps that's why my daily commute to work is good for me- instead of jumping into my vehicle and speeding off to work; I can trudge to work in snow, rain, or sunshine and then spend 20 minutes sitting on the bus daydreaming or just gazing at the scenery. How often do we sit back and just give ourselves some time to think and breath? I think it's a good challenge especially with how chaotic and noisy life can get and with the holidays upon us.

I picked up an Advent meditation guide at church the other day and have decided to read through each day until Christmas. The writings are from Henri Nouwen and I would like to share today's with you. In fact, it surprisingly ties in with what I was just talking about. Often times I feel like I only remember Advent when it's Sunday and then to forget to celebrate throughout the week. (And hopefully this isn't illegal to post something I didn't write...)

Do We Fill Empty Places To Avoid God?

Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me. Revelation 3:20

The waiting, watching, and serving we are called to demands that we become seers, people who discern the coming of God in our midst and in our world. Is there a space in our life where the Spirit of God has a chance to speak or act or show up? Being contemplative means peeling off the blindfolds that keep us from seeing his coming in us and around is, and learning to listen in the spaces of quiet we leave for God.

I once spent time walking in New York City. I noticed most places were filled up, with much crowded into every corner! We seem to have a fear of empty spaces. We want to fill up what is empty. Perhaps our fear is that an empty space means that something may happen to us that we cannot predict, that is new, that leads us to a place we might not what to go. I might not want to hear what God has to say.

O God, help us nurture empty spaces in our lives so that we may be filled with your grace and peace.

(Credit: Advent Meditations from the writings of Henri Nouwen: Living in Hope)

I don't think I could have said it better. I hope that I can embrace empty spaces in my life and slow down enough to let God in.

Gratitude is a God-honoring attitude

This Sunday I did the Children's Story at church and since it's Thanksgiving this week, I went with that theme. As I was researching and getting some ideas, I stumbled across some really interesting comments and stories on Thanksgiving and being thankful.

These aren't my words, but I thought they were indicative of the spirit of Thankgiving -- Some of the most important words that we can speak to others are the two words, "Thank you". If we bestow a gift on another, we should do so out of a motive that doesn't expect anything, even a thank you, in return.

It seems that so many times I really crave that "thank you" from someone if I do something for them. But the comment above, helps me remember that my actions and deeds should be done in Christ's love and I'm sure we would all agree that Christ never desired a "thank you" for the works that he did. He simply wanted people to follow him and believe. And so I think it is a good reminder that we should do things out of love and humility- without ever needing that "thank you".

Scripture from today came from Luke 12:48, "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked"-- we have been bestowed with many blessings. It seems even the simple ones get swept under the rug. Like having food, shelter, clean water, warm beds, loving relationships, etc. My last semester in college, I took an Intro to Counseling class and every Thursday we were to journal about something talked about in class and also list 5 things that we were grateful for. And each new week they needed to be 5 different things. It's amazing how difficult it seems to come up with 5 new things each week...and yet there are millions of blessings to be thankful for. I really enjoyed that exercise as it got me thinking about the simple and complex things in my life that are worth praising God for. And it helps you to think positively about your surroundings, plus simply sitting back and reflecting on the good in one's life is always a good thing.

Things have been going great for me. There are some days that I'm walking to work and I can't help the smile that sneaks onto my face because I feel so much joy and happiness from being in this place and city. It truly feels like a God-thing that I am here in Boulder and serving in my workplace. I couldn't have asked for a better placement and am very pleased with how things are working out. God is good indeed. Plus I am hanging out with co-workers more and more and developing some great girlfriend relationships. I feel quite loved and wanted so that is a good feeling. Work keeps me quite busy and it seems like sometimes there is barely time to breathe..so it will be nice to have two days off work this week for Thanksgiving. I am starting to do some brainstorming for programming ideas for February and March.

From all the walking I do to and from work, I have been thinking about the privilege it is to have a vehicle and the great independence one receives from it. I have been lucky enough to have a vehicle from about the time I started driving at 16. The only time I didn't have a vehicle was my first semester of college, but even then I found ways of getting around. But living here in Boulder and not having wheels has been eye-opening for me and quite humbling. I quickly became one of the regulars on the bus ride to Lafayette. I smile to see people parking their cars in the parking garage off of Table Mesa in order to ride the bus to Denver or elsewhere. People are conscious of their environmental footprint here and that is nice to see. Some statistics on transportation:

-The average U.S. household owns 2.2 automobiles -- 10% more than in the early 1990s and 70% more than in 1955. So there is definitely a precedent for fewer cars per family.

-According to the U.S. Department of Transpotation Statistical Records Office there are approximately 62 million registered vehicles in the U.S. at the current time and appox. 6.4 million unregistered functioning vechicles.

-(2000 survey)The car is by far the most common means of commuting in North America where 71% of company workers and every second student commute by car. The situation is less extreme in Europe where 58% of company workers, but only 10% of students commute by car. In East Asia, car drivers make up 25% among company workers and 15% among students.

Well Happy Thanksgiving to everyone and may you remember to be thankful for all the blessings, small and large, in your life.

-Lindsey-

Home is where the heart is

The past two weeks have gone by quickly and it has kinda felt like a roller coaster of emotions as well. Last week I only worked three days because of a huge snowstorm we received Tuesday night. We ended up with more than two feet total. It was a complete winter wonderland. So I enjoyed two days off work baking cookies, making homemade chili and cornbread, sipping tea, journaling, and watching movies. It was nice to have some down time especially since I have been sick now for the past two weeks.

This week of work went well. It is a new month, so I work with different participants and once again have to discover where they live and what "tricks" make the day go a little smoother. It was a fairly normal week, nothing really out of the ordinary. Friday I enjoyed getting a tour of Celestial Seasonings...from now on when you sip a cup of their tea, remember that Boulder is the only packaging center in the United States and people all around the world are enjoying Celestial's flavored drinks. They give free tours and free samples. In the afternoon, we visited Colorado University's planetarium. We viewed the solar system and learned about constellations and also gained some knowledge about how sound works. For office work this past week, I complied data from surveys completed this summer on Out and About's summer camp, both from instructors and families. It was interesting to see what positives and negatives there were and what trends are apparent. My supervisor spoke with me and said she would like for me to help the after-school programmer in organizing and planning some events for this upcoming summer camp. I am excited for the prospect because I think it will allow me to use some of my gifts in leadership, organizing, and planning. I don't know exactly where I will help in planning, but it might be fun to do arts and crafts or sports and games. O&A has a great summer camp and hires 40-50 additional Rec Instructors to assist. There will likely be a few improvements made, but otherwise it should be a good summer.

Halloween weekend I wasn't feeling very good, and when that happens in a new town with no family around or mom and dad to make you chicken noodle soup- I felt like I was in a valley. Just kinda lonely and thinking to myself, "What am I doing here?" or "What was I thinking signing up for this?". I definitely feel challenged here. I knew it would take a leap of faith to come out to a new town and "start over"... but sometimes you don't realize it until you are actually living it. I think you can make a home wherever you put down roots--it's just a matter of finding good soil. I think they biggest challenge for me, has been socialization. Having a good, steady social group to back you up, check in on you, laugh, dance, play, etc. with is one the keys to happiness in life (I think) and to not immediately have that out here- is tough. But things take time and slowly the pace increases. I have been occasionally hanging out with co-workers and just last night some of them were playing music at a coffee shop- which led to seeing other co-workers and hanging out for the rest of the evening. So I definitely feel accepted and enjoy their company. I know that this year is good for me--strengthening my character, serving those around me and the Lord, gaining experience, meeting new people with different backgrounds, the list goes on. The majority of the time, I know this is GOOD. And God is good...so I continue to hold my head high.

Overall, things are good for me. Still getting over a cold and coughing a lot. This Wednesday is Veteran's day and a paid holiday, so looks like a four day week for me. Tomorrow I hope to go to the zoo as it is another free day.

Psalm 67:1-2

May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face shine upon us, that your ways may be known on earth, your salvation among all nations.