Life happenings

I believe an update is due...

So what has happened in the last month? Well what hasn't happened?!

-Went to a young adult snow camp at Rocky Mountain Mennonite camp- It was such a nice weekend. It was really nice to get away from "regular" life and spend some time out in nature. I met some really great people, both local and far away. We had some small group time to discuss the theme for the week "Rituals, traditions, and symbols". It was an interesting theme- but created for some good discussion. There was time for relaxing and playing games, as well as outdoor activities. Saturday was hiking or snowshoeing, tubing, and then a broomball tournament (my team won!!). I came home in a relaxed state, but also extremely sore from all that exercise!! :)

-My two close friends from high school and college (Jenna and Mary) came to visit me for a week. What a splendid time we had. I took off three days from work and we explored downtown Boulder, went to Rocky Mountain National Park, and did an extreme hike on Friday. Let's just say we weren't quite prepared for the conditions and the last hour is straight up and it was complete snow and ice. Not exactly easy when you don't have waterproof gloves or any gloves at all for that matter OR hiking boots! It was at times frustrating and at some points I wanted to give up, but oh my...the view was well worth the struggle. What a spectacular view it was!! It was soo nice to have quality, close friends visit. It felt like my two worlds were finally colliding (when I went home for Christmas and told people about Boulder, it felt like a dream and like that part of my life wasn't real to everyone else) But now that people are beginning to visit me, it is becoming more real. That I do have a life out here in a new place. Having Jenna and Mary leave was also kinda hard. It made me realize how I don't have close, quality friendships out here and I really felt that void after they had left. That has been an ongoing struggle for me this year and has definitely made me appreciate those wonderful friendships I do have. This has been a stretching experience for me and am learning to be very independent and at some times, lonely.

-Work has continued to be busy and at times stressful. They have hired some new staff, so that will be nice to fill in some of the missing gaps in our programming. I am continuing to strengthen my relationships with participants and am learning to work with people that haven't worked with before. This has been a bit challenging. It feels like I'm starting all over in some ways. For example, for the month of March I have been working with a participant who requires full support while on shift and there are a lot of little "tricks" to learn in order to work with him. He utilizes a wheelchair, self-gags, grabs hair, bites, the list goes on. So I've been briefed on what country stations he enjoys, to sing to him because he loves music, how to release his grasp should he grab, etc. He has already bitten me twice. And it frustrates me, but not because it hurts or anything. But because it feels like I'm failing with him. Like I'm not doing something right. Not picking up when he's fed up and we should take a break. I feel like it's my own fault for getting bit. This past Tuesday he clamped down hard and broke skin, causing me to bleed. According to protocol and worker's comp, I was required to go to urgent care to get a blood path test. They didn't give me a test, wasted an hour and half of my time, and gave me a band-aid. And then because I'm a volunteer, worker's comp doesn't cover the bill- so now Out and About has to pay for it or my house fund. Just a mess.

-The house: well I know some of you know of my struggles in my housing situation. Basically- it has been a challenge to live with two guys that I didn't previously know. I don't feel the community setting that I was hoping for, coming in. Nights exist of eating a meal together and then everyone going their separate ways, typically to rooms. That's not what I signed up for. I'll have an occasional good conversation with my one housemate, but they are few and far between. And my one housemate is very hard to get along with- so that has been frustrating. It is amazing how one person can affect so much- but I am seeing the ripple effects and it is breaking my experience in the house. I have decided for several reasons- that I will not be serving another year in MVS. Some of it has to do with the housing/community feel, some to do with my social network/support system. I have been contemplating what to do next or where to go. I haven't made a decision and am relying on God to lead me and open windows to the future. Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated as I discern. I really enjoy this state and all it's beauty--but if you don't have people you enjoy to share it with...what good is it?

I think that pretty much brings you up-to-date on my life. I could also use some prayer for my health. I have been sick since the beginning of January and haven't been able to fully recover. I am going to the doctor on Monday and hope that I can finally kick whatever has been bothering me. Sometimes I think we take our good health for granted.

Yesterdays devotional for Lent talked about Jesus' ministry and his radical approach to teaching.

"He broke the law, where rules had become more important than people. He lived an upside-down understanding of human worth. Jesus messed with the order of the day, as he touched the unclean, ate with sinners, and claimed authority to heal and forgive.....To learn from Jesus means that we will live truths that are uncomfortable for many, and risk our own comfort for the justice and wholeness of others." -- just something to think about...

Blessings to each of you. May you feel the warmth of God's love in this coming week.

Lindsey

I received the following email from Tent of Nations- a family-run farm that my EMU group visited while on cross-cultural. I will never forget talking to Daoud, one of the brothers farming in the West Bank. I interviewed him for my research project during our trip. This non-profit has been striving for decades to keep their land and promote peace. I pray that peace will continue to be planted and sprout in the hearts of all.

February 12, 2010

Dear Friends of Tent of Nations,

We would like to update you on the impending crisis situation that the Nassar family is currently facing. As you know, the Nassar Family Farm/Tent of Nations Project has a long history of modeling peaceful co-existence with its neighbors through teaching courses and providing workshops and conferences for women and youth. It also provides opportunities for internationals, Israelis and Palestinians to unite in solidarity around a common dream of a just peace.

You have been a part of that journey through your support. For some of you, a visit to the farm itself has made it even more personal. In 2009, over 4,000 international visitors were welcomed to the land by the Nassar family. Some were volunteers who worked the land and taught a variety of workshops - others included church groups, religious leaders from all faiths, and interfaith peace delegations. The Tent of Nations has always provided a safe haven for those who are committed to justice, and we want it to continue to do so.

However, there has been a recent escalation in threats and harassment by Jewish settlers and by the Israeli army. For example, on two separate occasions in the last three months, Israeli soldiers have forced their way onto the property, conducting searches of family members and internationals and threatening to return with eviction papers. Most recently, on January 25, an Israeli bulldozer, accompanied by three military jeeps, came and blocked the road to the farm at the eastern entrance near the settlement of Neve Daniel. At first, the family thought the soldiers were there to destroy everything on the farm that they have worked so long and hard to build. Fortunately, the soldiers simply erected a roadblock and departed. Lately, the Israeli military has made its presence known both day and night.

Residents of the nearby village of Nahalin have been stopped at ‘flying checkpoints’ as they attempt to reach their homes from Route 60, the main north/south highway in that area. Palestinians are now barred from using the road connecting Route 60 and the farm, so in order to travel between Bethlehem and the farm the Nassar family must travel through the villages of Nahalin and Husan. This is a burdensome detour for them as well as for the 20,000 villagers affected by these new regulations. In conjunction with the family attorney, the Nassars are trying to determine the intentions of the Israelis in the hope that access to the farm can be preserved. As always, the family wishes to proceed calmly, constructively and legally. If the situation worsens, however, we all may be asked to come to their aid in appropriate ways (i.e., writing letters/making phone calls to our congressional representatives and other influential individuals, etc.).

For the moment, however, we just want you to be aware of these developments and to reflect on ways you might support our efforts in the event that this crisis gains momentum and specific actions are warranted. We ask that you please take no individual action on this until you hear from us again. We will continue to keep you informed. Please feel free to contact us if you have any questions or suggestions at Friends of Tent of Nations North America (www.fotonna.org).

With deep gratitude for your support,

Mark Braverman, Executive Director FOTONNA Steering Committee: Steve France, Bill Mims, Bill Plitt, Kay Plitt

http://www.fotonna.org/.html (I encourage you to check out their website to learn more about their cause)

_____________________________________________________

Things have been going well for me...just busy busy. I don't know why work has been so crazy lately- but I am certainly not running out of things to do. My weekend is just getting underway since I worked Saturday all day and then helped out with the youth lock-in at church from Sat night until Sunday morning. My shift on Saturday felt wild. I think I calculated that I left the office at 9:45 am and didn't get to my destination until 12:30 pm. Spending almost three hours in a van, with snowy/icy conditions on the road- plus not knowing where I was going and getting turned around= not very exciting. But there is always a bright side to anything. My participants were very patient and once we got to our activity, they had a great time! So just gotta take things as they are.

These past few weeks at work I have been thinking about this one participant. I believe he has been diagnosed with Sensory Integration Dysfunction/Disorder. We receive and perceive sensory input through sights, sounds, touch, tastes, smells and movement.

Difficulty taking in or interpreting this input can lead to devastating consequences in:

• daily functioning

• social and family relationships

• behavioral challenges

• regulating emotions

• self-esteem

• learning

Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID) is a neurological disorder that was first studied in-depth by A. Jean Ayres, Ph.D., OTR. Dr. Ayres describes sensory integration as the ability to organize sensory information for use by the brain. An individual with sensory integration dysfunction would therefore have an inability to organize sensory information as it comes in through the senses (Wikipedia).

This participant's world is far different from our own and I often wonder what is processing in his mind when he does things. Two weeks ago he had a very violent episode with staff, that included pulling out large amounts of hair, ripping her shirt apart, lunging at staff and participants, wailing endlessly, etc. N.T. is known to attack or pull hair as this gives him the needed sensory (touch) that he may be lacking at that moment. After nearly an hour and a half with this behavior, his staff was finally able to calm him down and get him to answer why he was so distraught. Apparently the perfume that his staff was wearing bothered him and he had rubbed her scarf on his neck and that enhanced the smell for him. Wow....right? What would it be like to live in a world where your sense of smell was so heightened that the only way for you to react and try and gain perspective, is through lashing out? Or to live in a world where your sense of touch and feeling barely exist? I think that is something that we take for granted and don't even realize it. Having sensory things in our lives is very important and helps us to maintain balanced, "in-touch" lives. So to live with a skewed sense of that would be alienating and frustrating I am sure. The children's program coordinator was talking to some of us after that intense shift with N.T. and she said that she has worked in a lot of places, including institutions and has never seen anything like this or anyone react so intensely as he does. It really makes me feel for his mom and what she goes through on a daily basis.

Blessings to you as we begin this Lenten season....may you feel God's presence in a new, fresh way and thirst for His renewal in your life.

Lindsey

This week at work I was reminded how the systems and programs our society sets up to help people, often times fail them in the end.

Funding for example. A participant's funding gets cut for any odd reason and they can't participate in activities they enjoy or the transportation they once relied on is now limited. Saturday I picked up a participant and even though he lives a minute or two from the basesite, I couldn't take him home because his funding wouldn't allow it. Some participants are rolling in funds and can do any activity they choose, while others have limited options and can only come several times a week.

We have to keep track of how many hours a participant is with us as well as where they were picked up and dropped off at. It all has to do with money. You either have it or you don't. The budget is tight and so even my volunteer work is used to their benefit. They schedule me to work Thursdays in the office, so that valuable office work gets done.

Onto other things: this past week was crazy busy and it kinda felt like I was running around with my head cut-off. Back to back 9 hour days can really get to you and I am glad for a day off today. It's snowing here and absolutely beautiful, large flakes. I should go out and frolic in it, but I can't seem to muster the energy. Things still feel a little stressful for me. Two guys from MMN (the director and our unit supervisor) came to church on Sunday and I was able to chat with them a little bit. I was reminded that I will need to give a definite decision as to what I will be doing around mid-March at the latest. So now it feels like I really need to kick into gear and figure out what I want to do. But I feel like you can't rush God's planning--I can't kick him in the butt and say "Ok, give me clear decision or path to follow!" That's not how it works!! Although sometimes I think we wish it did. If only... so how do I listen to what God wants me to do and where he leads, yet still make a decision on a time-line? I think I'm worried that I am going to make a decision and then something good or bad will happen and then I will be stuck with that decision I made prior to the event.

Thoughts and prayers would be appreciated as I discern what to do next in this crazy journey called life.

Hope-

Lindsey

Let Go, Let God

As I looked over a devotional for today from "Our Daily Bread" (online text)- I was struck in a God-moment.

I have been grappling with many things in the past week and half. From confusing co-worker relationships to what to do next in life to what is my calling and how can I be more Christ-like. None of these might I add, are simple tasks to grapple with. But God is once again proving to me that His plan is grander than I can expect and I should just let Him take-over.

Today's devotional talks about loving our neighbors- which is the greatest commandment from our Father, yet also it seems to be the most difficult. God must have known that it would be a tricky one.

"To love 'your neighbor as yourself' (Luke 10:27) requires the same urgent kind of love. It’s a love that notices the need of another person and won’t rest until it’s been met. It’s a gentle, tender love that thinks and acts carefully. It’s the sacrificial and compassionate love that a nameless Samaritan had for a fallen traveler. It’s the kind of love God wants to share with your neighbors through you. — Joe Stowell"

I find it easy to focus on MY problems and turn my prayers into self-centered ones. But God is at work and constantly reminding me that there is more to life than just my problems. We did arts and crafts this week at a church and in the women's restroom was a devotional for the day. I was curious to read it and it just happened to be the words I needed for that day. With a simple phrase repeated several times, "Let Go, Let God". Just let go off all the burdens from work, relationships, etc. and let God handle things. After all, He is the Master planner and knows what is going on. I think I can trust Him!! But it was just a gentle reminder that I needed.

I have also found it refreshing to say little one sentence prayers on my way to work. Even just a simple "Lord, give me strength for today"- seems to really help and the past few days at work have been excellent. I have always known that attitude means everything, but when you put it into action and go to work with a positive and energetic attitude-- the day is sooo much better!! I felt like I was connecting with participants and just having a plain good time!! God is indeed good!

In the call to remember our neighbors, I feel it appropriate to remember those affected in Haiti. As well as the violence and unrest occurring in Nigeria (as some of you may have heard- my uncle and aunt and their family are living in Jos- and there is currently a lot of destruction and violence going on between Christians and Muslims). My heart is heavy for all of those who are dealing with natural disasters or unrest. So many lives lost- so much destruction, disease. And so difficult to understand what our role is and what can be done. I pray for peace and understanding; for food, water, shelter, and medical assistance; and protection. May God's love transcend and transform bad to good.

I have a challenge for myself in this new year: to be Christ-like to those around and especially those I work with. I am reminded that "You cannot touch your neighbor’s heart with anything less than your own." And that is what I will be striving to do.

Are you with me?

Peace,

Lindsey

A fresh beginning..

Happy New Year! 2010...isn't that just strange to write? But I feel like this is going to be a good year.

I am ready for a new year and the great things it beholds. This new year will consist of volunteering for at least 7 months of it and continuing to learn, grow, and push myself out of my comfort zone. I am excited for what awaits and look forward to what God has in store.

Here is what I hope this year brings:

- vocational discernment as well as discernment on what my next step is (MVS sent me a packet to read through that has quotes, readings, etc. on vocational discernment so hopefully that will help in my journey)

- continued awareness about why I am here

-hope, peace, and love

-community living in the MVS house

-joy in the workplace and in my social life

- God's strength and peace in times of need

-quality friendships

I have been re-reading Elias Chacour's book: Blood Brothers (which if you haven't read it, I highly recommend it. I met him on my cross-cultural to the Middle East. He is such a peaceful person and has amazing insight into the conflict going on over there as well how to be Christ-like and hopeful in all areas of life.). His book has got me thinking again about that little region known as Israel and the West Bank. And I often find myself saddened by the things that he has written, remembering my time there and how it has already been two years since my travels. I hope that this new year will bring peace and well-being to those living in that region of our world. It is sad to think of the pain, hatred, and blood that has been shed in the land that our Father once walked and taught in. A quote from Blood Brothers (something to ponder):

"'But Father,' Rudah persisted, anxiously, 'Why do the soldiers carry guns?'

Slipping his arm around Rudah's shoulders, Father replied,

'For centuries our Jewish brothers have been exiles in foreign lands. They were hunted and tormented- even by Christians. They have lived in poverty and sadness. They have been made to fear, and sometimes when people are afraid, they feel they have to carry guns. Their souls are weak because they have lost peace within.' " (p. 42)

Lost peace within. What a sad concept...and yet it seems so true. Why else would such horrible things be happening in the "Holy" land if everyone had inner peace and love within them?

Blessings as we begin a New year and look forward to the future! May we rekindle inner peace and lean on God for strength and support.

Peace-

Lindsey

This week I was again reminded of the fragility of life. There was a fatal motorcycle accident on South Boulder Road right by the Park and Ride bus stop, which is where I get on the bus. It occurred at 5:30 in the morning and wasn't cleared up until 11. It was really creepy walking by there when I headed to work because the motorcycle was still there and you could just tell a life was lost there earlier. I don't know how to explain it. One of the RTD (bus route) manager's gave me and a visually impaired woman a ride to another bus stop, where I was able to get on my correct bus. I got to work despite detours.

I don't know why but I couldn't stop thinking about the accident all day; about the guy's family; about what happened. I later read in the paper that he wasn't wearing a helmut when he wiped out coming off the off-ramp. It seizes to amaze that people continue to ride bikes and not wear helmets. But I suppose that is one blessing that I am aware of this holiday season. And I think I've written this before: but that life is fragile, beautiful, and shouldn't be taken for granted. We are all children of God who could go at any time, without warning. I don't mean to get morbid or "preachy"- but we were molded in love and should show it everyday despite the bad day we might be having. That man who died won't get a second chance or get to see his family again; that was all stripped away from him because of one incident, one accident. Life is fragile and changes are constant. But God remains and stays the same.

I am currently sitting in the Denver airport, waiting for my plane. My flight has been delayed due to a storm system working it's way on the East coast. So I will most likely miss my connection to Pittsburgh. Should be a nice, long day. :) But I am making the most of it, by blogging and maintaining a good attitude. No need to get discouraged when things will all work themselves out.

I am very excited to be traveling home. I am going to college friends' wedding on Saturday and then will be back in the great state of Ohio by Sunday. I am looking forward to goo times with family and friends as well as break from work.

Well the plane will be here soon. Have a blessed Christmas this year and remember the blessing of life.

Peace,

Lindsey

Embrace empty spaces

I always love when there's a snowstorm.

Everything slows down a little bit and it's quiet and serene. The cars aren't rushing to and fro quite as much and there is a peacefulness that seems to fill the space where traffic, people, and busyness once were. People still have there places to go and people to see- but when it snows, they are forced to do it at a much slower pace. Which I like- makes you stop and think a little bit.

Perhaps that's why my daily commute to work is good for me- instead of jumping into my vehicle and speeding off to work; I can trudge to work in snow, rain, or sunshine and then spend 20 minutes sitting on the bus daydreaming or just gazing at the scenery. How often do we sit back and just give ourselves some time to think and breath? I think it's a good challenge especially with how chaotic and noisy life can get and with the holidays upon us.

I picked up an Advent meditation guide at church the other day and have decided to read through each day until Christmas. The writings are from Henri Nouwen and I would like to share today's with you. In fact, it surprisingly ties in with what I was just talking about. Often times I feel like I only remember Advent when it's Sunday and then to forget to celebrate throughout the week. (And hopefully this isn't illegal to post something I didn't write...)

Do We Fill Empty Places To Avoid God?

Listen! I am standing at the door, knocking; if you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in to you and eat with you, and you with me. Revelation 3:20

The waiting, watching, and serving we are called to demands that we become seers, people who discern the coming of God in our midst and in our world. Is there a space in our life where the Spirit of God has a chance to speak or act or show up? Being contemplative means peeling off the blindfolds that keep us from seeing his coming in us and around is, and learning to listen in the spaces of quiet we leave for God.

I once spent time walking in New York City. I noticed most places were filled up, with much crowded into every corner! We seem to have a fear of empty spaces. We want to fill up what is empty. Perhaps our fear is that an empty space means that something may happen to us that we cannot predict, that is new, that leads us to a place we might not what to go. I might not want to hear what God has to say.

O God, help us nurture empty spaces in our lives so that we may be filled with your grace and peace.

(Credit: Advent Meditations from the writings of Henri Nouwen: Living in Hope)

I don't think I could have said it better. I hope that I can embrace empty spaces in my life and slow down enough to let God in.