You know the part I like best about flying?

It's not the tiny bags of pretzels, or the person sitting behind you that smells like BO.

I love when the plane starts descending and all the tiny houses, streets, and city lights come into perspective. It kinda makes me feel like Karen Carpenter's song "I'm on top of the world". It makes me feel big and in charge for just a brief moment, as I survey the "little" things below. We are a busy people. We have created much. The glowing street lights, the bustling streets, industry, power, success.

It makes me also remember, that as I come back to normal elevation...I am a part of the madness and one of the little, intricate things that makes up part of our world. It's a bittersweet mixture of emotion to land and realize that yes, I can look down momentarily on what has been created and how it moves about. But also realizing, that I too am part of that system. That network. That beehive.

But I have also been made different and unique. I have been taught to love myself and the God who created all things. As Christians we are called to embark on a journey and not an easy one. It sets us apart from those around us. We are called. It is sometimes lonely and confusing. It is difficult at times. But it is also beautiful and rewarding. It is past, present, and future.

I don't know where I am going with my soap box or my ramblings. I had a lot of these thoughts as I was flying to and from Colorado this last weekend. It is amazing the technology and science that has led us to where we are now. And it is also fascinating to think about where we will be in even 20 years. This said, I am also excited for what is in store for the Church and us, as believers in Christ.

What neighbor, friend, co-worker needs someone to listen to them? What organization could benefit from monetary assistance? How can we have a better attitude? Where are we being called and led?

Just food for thought...something to nibble on; I will as well!

Peace,

L

Reflections on the past year...

As a new year approaches…I look back on 2010 and think of the things I have learned, the people I have met, the changes that have occurred in my life.

This past year I completed a service term in Boulder, Colorado and many of you have followed me through my journey. In thinking back on my work at Imagine!- I reminisce thinking about the participants I interacted with and the time and passion I was able to put into my work. My job truly opened my eyes, not just to the dignity and worth of each human being, no matter their limitations or abilities. But also to the love, compassion, and hope I found both in my co-workers and participants. Working with those who have developmental disabilities has certainly left an impression on me and a mark on my heart. In retrospect, I miss the work and the people. I think I mostly miss being out in the field and out in the community as much as I was. I don’t know where I will be led vocationally, but could definitely see myself working with this population again. I miss the smiles and laughs, the talks, and the cute little things individual participants were known for.

Also this year I have transitioned into working at Children’s Services of VA, Inc. as a foster care case manager. It was helpful to have some background on the agency, after completing my senior practicum with them. I continue to learn something new every day whether about parenting or how the system works, and combined with the patience and understanding I learned from Imagine! –I feel I could raise a flock of children, no matter their issues. (Lord, willing I’m not requesting this..or any time soon!) Case management is hard work and I’m learning what it means to truly be “the middle man”. Paperwork consumes my day and every little detail, phone call, email- has to be documented. My caseload is small and will stay that way for the first year. I often wonder if I could really manage a full caseload, as sometimes I feel I’m going crazy with just 4 or 5 clients. I stay busy writing reports, making phone calls, and going on home visits. The only thing about having a small caseload is that I don’t have as many children to go see- leading me to a lot of office time. Which I am not keen on. I miss the frequent, daily interaction with clients and sometimes feel that I don’t have the skills to offer a foster parent guidance with parenting and problematic children, when I am not a parent myself and actually quite young. But alas, I continue to plod away, trying to be consistent and good at my job. However, I do not feel a life-calling to case management or foster care.

Highlights from this year (whether humorous, ridiculous, or serious):

- Being sick for 4-6 months of the New Year! (sinus infection, cold, bronchitis, black lung, strep throat …okay no black lung..but serious about the rest)

- Dealing with loneliness and disinterest in my “community living” arrangement.

- Winning the March Madness bracket with 75 points. (I did not cheat.)

- Meeting and hanging out with a guy named Asher (later to become my boyfriend J ).

- Having good friends Mary and Jenna visit Colorado.

- Going to the young adult snow camp at Rocky Mountain Mennonite camp...this certainly didn’t help the being sick thing.

- Having my basement room flood for a second time and the landlord doing little about it.

- A visit from my parents and siblings...filled with good food, beautiful weather, and quality time together.

- Getting locked in the bathroom for 9 hours. I think I could set a world record. But it’s not exactly good for one’s mental health. Makes for an entertaining story though.

- Trip to Ohio: Being in my good friend, Jenna’s wedding and seeing family from near and far at a family reunion.

- Having Seth and Theresa visit while on their road trip through the west…great times!

- Lots of Rockies games over the summer with a church small group…lots of twizzlers and “Party in the U.S.A.”!

- Fun outings spent with Asher…finally in the same place for a few months..whew.

- A ridiculously awesome 23^rd birthday- tubing down Boulder Creek (fearing death or serious injury!), free lunch at sub shop, relaxation, and Japanese Steakhouse with Asher.

- An overall splendid summer filled with poolside fun, BBQs, hiking, friends, family, and other fun activities.

- Finishing my term with MVS and saying good bye to participants and co-workers that I had built rapport and relationship with for a year…tough.

- Spending a week “vacationing” in Boulder…

- Saying “adios” to Boulder, Asher, and lovely church friends.

- Transitioning to Harrisonburg, after a week spent in Ohio…whoa tiny apartment and being on my “own”.

- Meeting and falling in love with my niece, Amarisa JoyAnn.

- Learning my new job and getting to know my co-workers and clients.

- Asher visiting at the end of October! Hiking, good food, DC trip.

- Dealing with some personal issues and figuring out where I stand and what it is to be an adult.

- Adjusting to living alone and cooking (or not), paying bills.

- Holidays spent with family…always a pleasure.

Whew…lots of things have happened…it’s amazing to look back at a year and the progress one has made…despite challenges, bad health. I have grown a lot and overall am pleased with 2010, even if it wasn’t all easy or pleasant. I have said “goodbye” and “hello” to a lot of things…and look in anticipation at greeting the New Year, 2011. I have much to look forward to and have plans for self-improvement and growth once again.

I wish you all a Happy Year…not just celebrating life and newness on ONE day…but all 365. God has blessed us beyond belief. May we feel His presence in a fresh and new way these coming 365 days. May we love more passionately and see more clearly. May we be kind, compassionate, and true to our word.

Blessings and much love,

Lindsey

I don't read enough...

Grant me, O Lord, to know what I ought to know, to love what I ought to love, to praise what delights you most, to value what is precious in your sight, to hate what is offensive to you. Do not allow me to judge according to the hearing of my ears, but to discern with a true judgment between things visible and spiritual, and above all things, always to inquire what is the good pleasure of your will.

-Thomas A Kempis-

What is God's will for my life? I am reading Hearing with the Heart by Debra K. Farrington. (I strongly suggest this book.) She suggests "One of the surest signs of discerning poorly is being absolutely, positively certain that we know God's will." (p 24) Well then, I suppose I'm discerning wisely by NOT knowing then, right??

Discernment is not an easy process, but it is also not something that just comes and goes through life. We are constantly thinking, processing, making decisions. Small ones, like what to wear today? Big ones, like what vocation would use my skills to help others most? I make 50+ decisions a day at work. Knowing what to do, where to go, who to surround yourself with...well honestly, it can bog a person down.

I have all these books on my shelf, but I don't read them. They just sit there. I'm on my computer practically all day at work and then I come home and browse the internet while I'm on the couch. I'm making an early- New Year's Resolution. To start reading more. Novels, fiction, non-fiction, books that will make me laugh, cry, think. Autobiographies, mystery, dramatic, feel good, educational. I also need to read more of the Good Book.

Kathleen Kelly (played by Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail) writes to her online friend:

Sometimes I wonder about my life. I lead a small life - well, valuable, but small - and sometimes I wonder, do I do it because I like it, or because I haven't been brave? So much of what I see reminds me of something I read in a book, when shouldn't it be the other way around? I don't really want an answer. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So good night, dear void.

I do feel like I lead a small life... certainly worthwhile and meaningful, but yet small in comparison to some and the things they have done. I know I am young, but I feel there is so much I want to do right now. Part of me wants to settle down, go back to school, do what I should in the Social Work field, be responsible. But the other part of me, wants to explore, travel the world, eat what I want, be adventurous. Part of me wants that fantasy version of myself, as seen through movies and T.V. Part of me wants this and that and everything in between. Part of me...

There are some ramblings for you. I am long overdue on a posting. I apologize. I have hopes to keep updates coming.

Tis' better to live your own life imperfectly than to imitate someone else's perfectly. -Elizabeth Gilbert-

In Virginia

My Work

I haven’t been outside all day today and there are no windows so I don’t know what the weather is even like. The florescent overhead light has been on all day and makes it feel like there is some light, but I hate the contrast and feel. I pretty much read through the whole manual throughout this morning and early afternoon and then sat in on a VEMAT meeting. VEMAT (Virginia Enhanced Maintenance Assessment Tool) is an annual check-list that gets reviewed for a child, looking at emotional, behavioral, and physical/personal care needs. Depending on how the child scores, additional monthly money is allotted to foster families. The higher the score, the more money. This is a new enhanced system and honestly I don’t see how it’s possible to grant more money to families. Where the money comes from when cuts are being made in other places, I don’t know. So I am becoming oriented on this assessment tool because it’s new since I last worked here. Tomorrow I go to court for two of my clients. Basically my case load will be 3 sibling groups in 3 different foster families. I am “trainee” status since I didn’t have the needed one-year experience, prior to working here. But I’m fine with that because it means a smaller caseload for the first year.

I am a little intimidated because the lady that I share an office with started in February of this year, but is older and experienced. And then sitting in with families and other caseworkers…I just feel young and innocent. Plus it doesn’t help that I look young and innocent. But as I’ve always thought before, life is what you make it and how you come into a situation. A positive attitude is everything and I HAVE done this work before. But now it’s serious and I am a real case worker here. This is my first real job in more of a Social Work role and needless to say, I’m a little scared. But I know that all things come with time. Everyone at one point in life, starting working and was young and naïve. So here I am world!

My Life

This weekend Josh, Hanna (Amarisa), and I are traveling up to Ohio for my dad’s farewell weekend as part of his resignation from Wooster Mennonite. It’ll be nice to see the church family one last time and reminisce about the last 14 years in Ohio. To some extent it’s sad and sometimes I don’t like changes like this and closing doors of my childhood. But at the same time, I know it’s right for my mom and dad and a good step towards whatever is next in life for them and our family.

My Apartment

Too put it simply…it’s tiny.

Stats:

-Exactly 21 steps from bedroom to kitchen

-3 windows (but 2 of which aren’t worth calling windows)

-Small fridge and stove (the cookie sheets I had purchased don’t even fit in the oven! Haha)

-Lots of wood paneling and built-in storage (almost too much, but this is a good problem)

-Best way to define: Kinda feels like a trailer, just straight back and small

But it’s sufficient for me and I’m waiting for more decorative pieces and furniture to arrive. I’m excited to have a place to myself for once, but also hoping that I don’t get too lonely. It seems that food is more enjoyable when shared with others and that time goes a little faster with internet and T.V. and people J But with a busy schedule at work and plenty of wonderful friends and family around, I think it will quickly turn into a sanctuary for myself to get away and find my peace of mind.

My Thoughts

As the familiar verse in the Bible says, and I’m reminded from the wall-hanging above my work desk; Faith Hope Love: The greatest of these is love. I have received a lot of love already since I arrived. I finally met my little niece after a month (Amarisa Joyann) and am already thoroughly enjoying being around her. I know that my faith and loads of hope will also come into play throughout the year. God is good and has provided me with this job and I’m surrounded by wonderful people to work with. To Him be the glory!

Best wishes to all who continue to read this,

Lindsey

Crisp air, long sleeves

The last two days have given me a taste for autumn and I'm getting excited for the new season! I love the idea of wearing light long sleeves, sipping hot apple cider, cuddling up outside to a fire, and the leaves changing glorious different colors.

Last Friday was my last day of work...and it was a great way to end my time with Out and About. We drove to Georgetown and went on a loop train ride. It was a beautiful day and my group was easy to maintain. At the end of the day, saying good-byes to participants was difficult and it's sad knowing that I won't see them again. But this past week I've been thinking about my time at work and ending there, and I feel at peace with having finished there. Yes, I had a wonderful learning experience with Imagine! and I truly loved my placement there....but I feel this transition onward is a good thing. And for those feelings of contentment...I am happy. :)

This week I have been staying at my boyfriend's parent's home....and everyone has been so supportive and hospitable. The move last Saturday was stressful and tiring, but we did it all in one day. And ladies from the church did a lot of the cleaning, so I was freed from that duty. Earlier this week I still had some details to take care of for the old house, but I think I am finally free from my duties at the VS house. I went over to the new house recently and it's a nice house...they still have a lot of unpacking to do. I am happy with the year I gave to service, but also ready to move on.

This week I've been slightly productive...getting some things filled out for my end-of-term as well as filling out papers for my future job placement. Mostly I've been catching up on sleep. Went to a concert Monday night, caught a little flu bug which laid me up all day Tuesday, toured a local brewery, and last night went to a stressful Rockies game vs the Phillies. (We lost 11-12)

Just a few more days here...such an odd feeling. My dad flies in Sunday night and we drive out Monday. I think there will be a lot more to process once I actually leave Colorado. I am filled with mixed emotions, but am also somewhat ready to go and start the new transition.

Not sure what will happen to my blog...might just become a site in the oblivion or I may maintain it.

Thanks to those who faithfully read my blog and kept me in your thoughts and prayers. I couldn't have made it through this year without your loving support.

Should you want to keep in touch, my address in Harrisonburg is:

1538 College Ave. Apt. 1

Harrisonburg, VA 22802

Peace to all,

Lindsey

Moving boxes, cups of coffee, hugs goodbye

The moving and transitional adventures have begun!! Whew...lots of changes are occurring, along with new people.

The two new lady VSers are here. Jasmine has been here a week and half and Naomi just arrived yesterday. She started work today at Imagine! I'm excited for someone to be working with Out and About and gaining the same experience I did. But at the same time, I'm also a little reluctant to have her work in the same placement, selfish reasons alone.

Moving day is this upcoming Saturday....so I've already been packing up the house and my room. My room isn't difficult, it's dealing with all the crap in the house that has been accumulated over the years. Plus the house was left with things from the previous owner. So there is a bunch of junk that will get thrown and donated. Part of me wishes I could pack up my car and scoot out of here. But I have a final duty here and want to make the new VSers feel welcome and comfortable. And things are coming together with the house, it's just a matter of doing instead of just talking!

Friday is my last day of work...my supervisors asked me who I would like to work with my last week...so I'm working with some of my favorites! :) I'm excited! Friday night I am having a farewell party with a couple from church who are also leaving CO to serve a three-year term with MCC. So that should be fun, lots of yummy food, people, and mingling.

I would greatly appreciate prayers as we make this big transition this week and weekend. Specifically, prayers for strength, patience, and endurance.

Onto other news: I'm an aunt!!! Amarisa Joyann was born August 16th at 9:54pm and was a healthy 9lbs 3 oz! Everyone is healthy and happy. My parents went down for an extended weekend visit (which makes me green with envy) but I know soon enough I'll be meeting the little one and playing with her. Praise God for new life and love!!

Ok well I need to do some more packing and organizing...I'll probably post once or twice more before my time in Colorado is over. I'm also debating whether to keep blogging....we'll see..

Peace,

Lindsey

Worrying vs. Relying

Isn't it funny how we tend to worry? Worry about little things, big things, stuff that doesn't matter. And then something happens, something clicks...and you gain perspective once again and realize that all of that worrying was wasted time. And then you also realize how God is in control and always has your back, no matter what. Down to every last detail.

That is where I'm at right now and I am at a place of inner peace and contentment. Because for now, I am not worrying. And how funny that I know I will worry again, even after moments of clarity. Oh how silly we are!

But things have fallen into place for me and I have a place to live AND a job in Harrisonburg!! I let my supervisor from my social work practicum in college know that I would be moving back into town and to let me know of open positions in and around Harrisonburg. Little did I know that around that same time, this agency (Children Services of VA- Treatment Foster Care) was thinking about hiring an additional worker! Oh the timing! I don't have quite all the experience that they're looking for, so I will be considered a trainee and have a smaller case load for the first year, but overall I'm excited. I had a very positive experience doing my practicum in that setting and learned a lot both in the office and out in the community with clients. I'm also excited to be working in such a supportive environment and with really great staff.

God is good. End of story.

I am enjoying August so far...work continues to be busy and is still keeping me on my toes, as I work with new individuals. It's sad to think of leaving my placement and saying good-bye to all the participants and co-workers I have developed relationship with. There are many participants I have grown quite fond of and not seeing their faces on a regular basis, saddens me. I feel like I will leave part of my heart in this place. My blood, sweat, tears- my joy, happiness, and anger/frustration...all have come through at some point in my year here. I have grown in so many ways through this job and learned things that I don't even know of yet. I would say the top things I have learned are: selflessness, patience, flexibility, and human importance. But beyond that, I have learned that when you are your raw self and the essence of humility- that is when you reach people and they see you for who you are and what they want to become when they are around you.

A lady at church shared last Sunday...and her words hit a nerve with me. She was talking about serving people and how before we share with them about spiritual matters and their spirituality; we need to first meet them where they're at and attend to their basic needs. Helping people isn't a matter of sweeping in and patching troubled spots. It's digging deep, meeting them on their level, and seeing them for who they are. This year of service wasn't what I was expecting...but this placement at Out and About has been the utmost blessing in my life and I am truly sad to leave.

I am but one person and can only do so much. But when many in this earthly kingdom serve...big changes can be made and people will notice.

Have a happy, safe weekend friends.
Lindsey